Tales of the Bloodstone Lands
Ser Buckthorn BeyWinn
Unusually large gnome warrior, meticuloussly groomed firey red moustache and beard
Since the founding of Rosebriar centuries ago, two families have vied to be the Rontiindor (High Lord), the martial and mercantile BeyWinn and the agrarian and industrial BoldBerry. As everyone knows, gnome politics is like trying to herd cats. For the most part, the BeyWinn have filled the post admirably and hilariously.
That is until around a century ago and my uncle Balorn BeyWinn’s time to shine came and he fell quite short. Never a more incompetent and boring BeyWinn had ever lived. That’s when Barristan BoldBerry made his move. He bought those who mattered and hoodwinked the council and now the BoldBerrys are running the show. Now the real shame of the situation was that my grandmother Beatrice, the real talent of her generation, was out and about a continent away playing adventurer. Well ever since she came back she’s been playing the game like a boss and is ready for ole BoldBerry to kick it, but that crusty old hemp farmer just celebrated his 350th birthday last winter.
That’s where I come along. For what it’s worth, I’m considered this generation’s black sheep. So I gotta “go out and grow up and stop embarrassing us.” It started out about 5 years ago. I would rather be out in the woods hunting and drinking, or chilling in the town square wrestling and drinking, or out racing ponies and drinking… Actually I forgot where I was going with this. Oh, yeah me. Well 5 years ago grandma decided to make an adult out of me, so she lent me and these biceps out to one of her miner friends for a winter.
Well, I was accused of stealing the gem that was found in my pocket and got sent back home that was Strike 1. The only good thing that came out of that hole is meeting my best friend in the world, Gazlowe Bonkwhistle.
Then I got caught fooling around with Maple Honeywell on her wedding night and punching her groom Aldridge RedMayne into the wedding cakes, embarrassing both the Honeywell and RedMayne. Both loyal allies of the BeyWinn. Strike 2.
The last straw still perplexed me. An envoy from Ravensburg, Lord Rosby, was in town with his family for both business and pleasure. His young wife, daughter, and her scorching hot Hin handmaiden Brissa went to Kriegg Cove to enjoy the cliff jumps and river beach. Gazlowe and me followed hoping to catch some full frontal. Lucky for them we were following the because at the falls they get jumped by a hobgoblins bandit with two goblin thugs!
The kindly old man at arms guarding the picnic is cut down by arrows and the goblins menace the Lady’s party. Carpe Diem!! I look at Gazlowe to say let roll but he has already disappeared. So Frack it, I charge the hobgoblin in a rage! He doesn’t see me coming and I bury both my axes in his back! He staggers, turns, and stabs me with his blade. Not feeling the pain I swing back with both axes again and spill his guts across the grass. That’s when I feel an arrow slice my shoulder and duck out of the way of another. I charge the goblins and one sinks an arrow in my ribs as I reach the other and slice him down before he can fire. I stagger to the last goblin and take another arrow to my thigh. I slash him good with one axe but he has enough left to scamper away and shoot point blank at me. That’s when Gazlowe snipes that last greenskin right in the face! In the fracking face!! Well we head back to town with Lady Rosby’s party.
A tearful reunion, embellished storytelling, and night of celebratory drinking ended with Lord Rosby knighting the first citizen of Rosebriar in a real long time. Me! Well technically it ended in Brissa’s bedchamber… Hehe… Well accepting the knighthood from a ‘biggin was a big mistake. All the people who matter thought it was a ploy to steal leadership from the Council. Strike 3.
Last straw… Grandma couldn’t take anymore embarrassments so “it’s time I go out and act like a Knight Errant” and get away from Rosebriar for the good of the clan. She gets Sheriff Woodamine to send me up to the big human city, Heliogabalus to meet a friend of his named Angus Silverblade who can point me in the right direction. Oh, and Gazlowe’s coming along as well. Stupid humans won’t know what hit them. So be it. So why are you here?